Week 4 - What have you learned about being a good mentor? How can we be good mentors and influences for others?

“To whom much is given, much is required.” 

I am very blessed to be able to work with young people from age four all the way up to 18. I’ve come to recognize that young people are 20% of the world’s population and 100% of the future. The way I choose to carry myself seven days/week and 24 hours/day is with the knowledge that I’m under a microscope. And going back to the saying above, I do not take lightly that I’ve been a mentor for so many young people for close to four decades. Seldom can I go to any place of business in the Research-Triangle area without being confronted by one of my former student-athletes. Very seldom do I see one of them, and they will not greet me. That greeting is my “thank you.”

I like to empower young people. Implementing peer leadership and providing them opportunities to lead allows them to build confidence and grow from their challenges. As a mentor you’re there when they need assistance, and I’m more than happy to assist them, whether it’s a pat on the back or a positive comment. And from time to time I have no problem giving out tough love. Sometimes as a mentor that’s what you have to do. Don’t always tell them what they want to hear, but what they need to hear.

At the end of the day you have to live your life in a way where your actions speak louder than your words. I’ve been committed to helping young people ever since I turned 18, and I’m blessed that I found my passion at an early age.

More broadly, I had no clue the impact I’ve had on adults as it relates to the sport of jump rope around the world. One of whom was my friend and mentor, Patrick Harrigan, who I just lost recently. After Patrick passed away, it touched me when his daughter reached out to me. He was a mentor of mine and his daughter shared that he looked to me as a mentor. We were the same age. 

I’m also starting to receive communication from different parts of the world, because of my role in the leadership side of jump rope. I’ve been blessed to have traveled to over thirty countries with the Bouncing Bulldogs program and throughout traveling have developed relationships with many individuals who have become my mentors and vice versa.

I don’t think that’s something I set out to do. Being a good listener, I was willing to listen to people who didn’t speak the same language as me or have the same philosophies and beliefs. I listened because I cared about them and the words they had to share and recognized the positive impact they could have on the sport around the world. Many adults reach out to me for advice and many of those are my dear friends now.

You don’t go looking to be a mentor for a person, but when you listen to people and make them feel like a person of value, that relationship becomes strong and the trust gets stronger. That friendship has to be there first and the mentor relationship comes after. Mentorship is not something you set out to do, it’s just who you are.  

Week 3 - How would you advise a young person to find a mentor?

The three E’s (Environment, Education, and Experience) are essential to finding a mentor. If you’re in a positive environment throughout grade school, middle school, and high school, in most cases there’s going to be positive adult mentors. In your communication with your parents or guardians, certain names are going to keep coming up. Often those are the names of people you respect for the way they teach and conduct themselves. You can tell they care about young people. 

Once you’ve determined who you’d like to be your mentor, share the name of the person with your parents. If they’re in agreement, assess how much the person values education. Your mentor might not always be someone with a college degree, but they might be unbelievably gifted when it comes to common sense and street smartness. 

Next, evaluate how well they are respected in the broader community and observe the friends of the person. You’re looking for someone with very high standards. In most cases if your mentor has high standards, they’ll expect the same from you. And if they’re someone of high character, normally I look at the three to five people closest to this person. “Birds of a feather flock together.” If their peers and associates are people of high character, you get a true read of your potential mentor’s character. “Show me your friends and mentors and I’ll tell you who you are.”

Week 2 - Who has been a mentor in your life? What did you learn from their guidance?

My mother has been a central mentor in my life. When I go back to my childhood and start thinking about grade school, middle school, high school, and college, it’s my mom. Throughout my childhood, my dad was in the Korean War and in and out of VA hospitals. My mom provided for my sister and I, and we spent a lot of time with my grandparents. I think back to how she just took care of us. She would clean homes and babysit for people all the way from Cleveland County to Catawba County. And when I was in 5th grade, she started working for PPG. She worked there from morning to noon and from evening to midnight, and I never heard her complain. 

I’ve seen her go through challenges in her life, but she always made sure we had what we needed for school (including the best encyclopedia), and not once did she fail to provide for my sister and I. At the time, I didn’t realize that that was unconditional love at a high, high level. 

She taught us how to clean the house (the fresh smell of Pinesol filling the air), how to wash clothes (when I was in the 3rd grade), and how to iron, but the main thing she taught us was how to do things for yourself. That’s why now I’m a stickler for having jumpers learn to clean up. 

She taught us how to be self-reliant and emphasized the importance of treating people the way you want to be treated. From her example, I learned how to work with people from all walks of life. During sporting events, even if the officials were unfair, she would say not to complain. Do your job and work hard for your team, it will always work out. 

Things will always work out.

Now, I try to do everything I can to make sure she’s not wanting for anything. If I ever miss a practice, it’s likely to make sure she’s okay–whatever she needs, she gets. She’s special. There’s no one like mom.

Week 1- Why are mentors so important?

Throughout your childhood, middle school, high school, and even college you need individuals in your life that you trust and lean on for advice. No one person knows everything and you’re gonna face challenges in life where those mentors come into play. 

In order to share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, you have to be able to trust your mentor. In return, that person will give you advice that will help you become the best person you can be. You need to trust that your mentors will help you and tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. Sometimes the truth might hurt your feelings, but their ability to tell you the harsh truth means they care and want the best for you. You’ll come to realize that what they’ve shared is something you needed to hear. You need tough love.

You should know you can call your mentor seven days a week, twenty-four hours a day. No matter what, they’ll be there when you call. Over time you’ll know their personality and they’ll know yours. They will be able to tell when something’s wrong and will offer to meet and talk. You can also rely on your mentor to keep things confidential. Know they’re going to keep information tight and won’t share it with others—they won’t repeat.  

Finally, be aware of life experiences. Often people think mentors have to be older than you, that’s not the case. The most important thing you receive from your mentor is growth and knowledge, no matter their age. And be sure to pay attention to the three E’s: environment, education, and experience. Observe whether their environment is positive or negative. Analyze whether they value knowledge and appreciate the importance of learning. And from those two components, recognize their life experiences. Most likely, you’ll go through things they’ve already experienced. Pull from their knowledge, because they know what you need.

Appreciate your mentor and truly value their presence in your life. If you find a good mentor, you better cherish that individual because they’re hard to find.